Matthew 7:1-5
“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentalitycn all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.
Those of you who know me well may have noticed that I haven't been "me" since I've gotten back from Mozambique. The problem is, I'm not really sure who me is anymore. Since coming home, I've pretty much isolated myself from family and friends, with the exception of those that I traveled with or those who've traveled to Mozambique previously. I can't look inside of my closet without crying. Seeing my shoe selection disgusts me. Grocery shopping is nearly impossible because it's so overwhelming. And let's not even talk about how I feel about the comforts in my home.
For the most part, I expected these things to happen. I knew I'd forever be changed by the hearts of Mozambique. What I didn't fully have a grasp on are the feelings I now have about other people (read: my family and friends) who have not shared this experience.
I catch myself judging everyone. Four weeks ago I may have judged a random stranger because of the label on their clothes, their zip code or the fact that they were totally overdo for a highlight - basically because they weren't materialistic enough. Today, I'm judging those same things - labels, cars, shoes, other spending habits. The difference is I'm judging people (myself included) for spending too much on everything. That closet full of $100 yoga pants? I feel like burning it all. Those Louboutins? I'd trade them for a $20 pair of heels from Payless. While those who know me know those aren't thoughts the old Jenn would have, the real problems is that I find myself projecting those feelings on others. And that's not fair.
Who am I to judge anyone else? I need to figure out a way to not be a judgmental bitch. I need to realize that there's really nothing wrong with finding comfort in some of the things I used to find comfort in from time to time. I need to understand that until someone actually goes to Africa, there's really nothing I can do or say to make them understand what I'm going through.
So friends, I ask you to give me time. Give me time to adjust to this new me that I'm trying to find. Time to ease back into this crazy world that is America. Time to reflect on what I experienced. I promise I do want to share the love of Mozambique with all of you, it's just going to take me a little bit to find the correct way to do that. I promise that I love you all and that I will come around, but for the mean time, please show me grace and patience and I'll do my very best to do the same.
xoxo,
Jenn
 |
| March 6th sunrise over Chimoio, Mozambique |
